Photoguy, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you're here and sharing your thoughts with us. It's gutsy of you to be so open and willing to let us ask you questions. Several of us women are married to guys who think in some ways similarly to the way you think, and it's so helpful to have someone present your POV.
Do you have any ED (erectile dysfunction) issues? Sorry to get so personal so fast, but hey, that's what we do here. My bf says he thinks about sex all the time. He is 55 and has had heart surgery and is experiencing erection issues, so I think he just wants to avoid the whole area.
I would be very interested in your reaction to the very long reading that I posed under "Safety: the Rosetta Stone of Psychological Life." This talks about how, as children, we start to alter our personalities and reactions to please our parents (or other caregivers) and to avoid the anxiety caused by their displeasure. As adults we're stuck with those decisions made by a 4-year old until we can get conscious enough to re-make them.
I'm wondering if in your FOO (Family of Origin, i.e. your childhood family) there was a very strong negative message about sexuality. What was your parents' interaction like? I have to imagine that you were not given permission or encouragement to have an intimate emotional connection AND a sexual connection at the same time with the same person.
Then there is the madonna/whore split that many people in our society experience. This means that sex is seen as dirty, and you can't do that dirty thing with your wife, since she represents the Pure and the Good. There are the Nice Girls-- those you marry-- and the Other Girls-- the ones you have sex with.
My bf says he thinks about sex all the time. He is 55 and has had heart surgery and is experiencing erection issues, so I think he just wants to avoid the whole area. 
