Sorry, it was a stupid question, but I just had to ask. I get the feeling you’ve got a lot of stuff hidden in your FOO closet. I see you never commented on CeMar’s post. Certainly you had to feel a lot of abandonment as a child. It sounds like you were “parentified,” forced to take on way too much responsibility as a child and feeling responsible for holding the family together. That is very scary and overwhelming for a kid. How do you react in arguments? Do you want to run away, get space, find room to breath? Do you get a feeling of being engulfed by the pressure or responsibility?
Just to reiterate CeMar’s astute commented with the not wanting to want analogy, maybe you learned to shut down emotionally because any hopes or wishes you may have had with your parents were continually dashed. Not wanting to want means you learned that emotional connection, vulnerability and feelings kind are closely associated with disappointment and hurt. So as soon as you get emotionally close to someone, you automatically shut down. As long as the person is not emotionally available, s/he is safe and you can feel lust. Does any of that ring true?
