Hey Z! That whole R limbo thing does totally suck. Been there, done that, far too many times. I can relate to what you're feeling.

I didn't cope with the MIA thing very well for a long time. Spent far too much time wondering, worrying, and freaking-out about it. I finally learned to detach myself from it quicker, and to quit taking it so personally. I learned it wasn't always about me, or OR. I tried to make sure I gave her plenty of space, and tried to distance an amount close to equal of her distance. I even ended up going MIA quite a few times myself.

I, too, noticed some of my W's distancing happening when there was contact with om. Probably more of a reaction to guilt feelings on her part. It may be a good idea for you to distance at this time to let her work through this, and so that you don't let any anger over it cause any damage.

It's pretty important to really take advantage of the "getting along great" times to grow the good feelings she has when she's with you. Don't expect any immediate reactions to it, but if you do it right, you'll help to build a more solid base from which to work, and to draw her back towards you completely.

One of the hardest things about this part of the journey is keeping your patience. Things start progressing, and we have a tendency to want to rush things along too fast. Big mistake. Learn to embrace these limbo periods, and use this time to reflect on how far you've come already, how you got there, and maybe experiment a little with something slightly different. Above all, do no harm to your R.

Remain calm, be comfortable with letting her set the pace. Don't overwhelm her, or yourself, with too many goals at this time. Let her learn to be comfortable with you again. Learn more about her and her wants and needs, even and especially the little things. And do lots of things for yourself.

Hang in there, buddy. It's a long road, try to enjoy the scenery and appreciate all the good things along the way!

[ November 08, 2001: Message edited by: Jamesjohn ]


JJ

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