I'm feeling kind of set adrift right now. Actually, W and I have been getting along great for 10 days or so. Suddenly, she became friendly. As an R tho, we are still up against a wall. No movement at all, except in the ability to chat. But, this comes and goes all the time. Usually in the past, it comes if OM is not around for a while, then goes when he returns. Now, she swears she has no contact with him... But, just this morning, she cooled again... after being out till after 1am last night.
JJ, you write extensively of having you W go MIA. How do you cope? Mine has never done that physically, but does it emotionally all the time, and it seems in direct relation to her contact with OM.
I'm still really bothered by this "work on the marriage" thing. I'd prefer we agree to "try to make the marriage work", and define that, and work a plan. I've said I have an uncomfortable thought that her "work" is just ploy. This is supported by her unwillingness to define "work". There are no goals against which to measure, and she ignores my requests for them. I've brought it up a couple of times, and I don't want to push this, but it's really important to me. We have another C session tomorrow. Should I bring it up again? Goals and a statement of intention are what I'd like to hear. C gave us homework the first session that asked us to tell what we felt essential to an R, what we would not tolerate in an R, what good, and what "challenges" we each brought to R. We both "handed in" our homework, but nothing has come of it yet. C says she has plans to work with this. It is prime goal building material, but without C's help, I can't get W to come up with goals. There is a combination of what seems like reluctance on her part, and my inability to explain what I feel we need to do to form goals.
Anyway, just a ramble. I'm sputtering, but it's because I feel frustrated and stagnant. Thanks for listening...
