You're absolutely right about opening up being a 180 in some situations. It sure was with mine. I kept too much inside of myself and never really opened up to my W. Kinda sucked things in and let them fester, dealt with them on my own, which was bad for the R. My W works pretty strongly off of her feelings, so I've been learning how to "speak to her in her own language". In the process, she's learned to listen to and to trust my "logic" a lot more. A win-win situation all around. It's a slow process, but well worth the efforts. The big trick in this was learning how to talk, and how to listen, less defensively. The OR talks have become more of a learning experience instead of a battle of wills.
Kent's right about the acting-as-if it's gonna work, and believing that she's sincere. Remember the self-fulfilling prophecy rule. Don't expect everything she does to be perfect towards the mending the R. It ain't gonna be. Learn to catch her doing things right, and appreciate them to her out loud. Keep your goals small and achievable, and it'll be amazing to you how the small "goods" can snowball into bigger, better things.
I tend to shudder when I hear people talk about "working on their marriage". It's much better to work on your relationship as friends who'll be spending the rest of their lives together. The marriage thing can be a bit overwhelming at this time, and you don't want to scare her away with too many expectations. As Kent said, don't get hung up on forcing the long term goals right now. Don't bring up the 3 month time period to her again!! Way too much pressure. The reconciliation process can't, and shouldn't be, measured on a calendar.
Stick around here, buddy! Looking forward to hearing more from you!
JJ
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