A little something nagging at me. I was feeling a little low last night and I (gulp) dealt with it, THEN tried to talk to h about it. I think it worked out ok. He was really suportive. One of the things I said, which I would think was a backslide, was that I worry sometimes that he isn't as enthusiastic and "gung ho" as he seemed to be at the one week mark.
He said he has had a lot of down moments since then (not necessarily about us) and is trying to deal with it on his own, without it affecting us too much. He also said that we should and will talk more, that he just needs time. I told him I can respect that. He also said one reason his enthusiasm wavered for a few weeks was because of my reaction to him at that time, "anger frustration, hostility". THIS was a surprise to me, kind of. He seemed to respond to my being "skeptical" but it hurt him and he made it sound like it set us back, made him "gunshy". I'm confused, because though yes, I WAS very angry about the way he handled things with OW, and he was very uncomfortable about that, - he seemed to understand and even respond at the time. Maybe I'm being too sensitive about it, because then he also said I'm "being great" (especially lately)at creating the environment safe for him to open up about his feelings.
That's confusing. Should I pay any heed to this? Or is re-writing things a bit to serve the mood slump he falls into, sometimes? I don't know. It's scary to think that what I thought that was "working" but really it was scaring him away. I realize that his hurt ego about that may keep him from admitting that it WAS motivating to him...
He did say in these last few weeks he's been feeling like he's coming around, and things have been going well with us.
He is trying. I am very nervous about expressing needs or feelings, but when I do, he does respond, and I make sure to thank him. From our discussion last night, I found out that this IS intentional on his part, not just my reading too much into things...
All in all, we agreed it was a good thing to have the OR - quite supportive overall. He suggested we start talking more. I'm glad he suggested it, but I'm not eager to rush it.
Hope that's normal. Let me know if you think that's avoidance, ha ha.
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