Really great progress this weekend, I feel, and I want to share...
H was returning from trip Saturday night, and so early in the day, I spent time at the house (h's place) by myself trying to get more comfortable. I've been feeling this love/hate thing there for too long. It's my home and I want to reclaim it, too.
So, I turned on music and a little housework. This went a long way to help me connect with the place, funny enough. And yes, I saw the things that made me feel uncomfortable - but it made me feel better to face them head on. I felt stronger after. Went out into the garden and saw that, despite 3 years of neglect, my herbs were fighting their way out from under the weeds. Kind of symbolic really... Good for the soul. I weeded it.
H called while I was there, and I told him what I was doing. I expected him to be a bit nervous (fear I'd snoop, though he said I could be there). Instead, I let him see hear my great mood. He was quite pleased. He volunteered some information that reassured me about ex-ow, and in that good mood I was in, it was easy to tell him that he can talk to me if he'd like to. The little exchange reminded me that good energy really is contagious.
We had a good night when he returned. I expected he would be very tired from the long overseas haul, so I was prepared to NOT stay over. I kept offering to leave, but he made me a snack and asked me to stay. He also brought me a pretty necklace (very much my style) and chocolates from the trip.
The rest of the weekend, I did better overall at giving him space to settle back in, and doing more for myself to keep my good mood. I only showerd a little bit of disappointment that we didn't spend more time together, but didn't let it become a big deal.
I'm noticing that in the little bit of time I saw him this weekend, he did seem a lot more comfortable, present, and happier than he had before he left - I'd rather this to the fear of spending TOO much time, if that makes any sense.
Sunday morning, I asked him if he'd checked his phone messages from being away. I felt weird that he hadn't done that because I was there, I mentioned I would like to feel more integrated in his life than segregated... He thought for a minute and replied that he wants that too, that his life is better with me in it, and honestly it just might take a little time. That answer made me feel good. Honest, but optimistic.
I also mentioned I liked some of his CD's, the ones in particular were ones OW had given him, and he was touched by that. He said he thought I was brave because of "who they had come from" and that he was really impressed.
I do want to know him better, and not just the easy parts.
Jazzed by my own progress at the house, I suggested more of what works, I asked H yesterday if we could do a little spring cleaning there together: just the basement and the room where all my stuff is stored. Get rid of junk and maybe do a bit in the yard. Nothing overwhelming. He really like the idea too.
![[Big Grin]](images/icons/grin.gif){kind=icon}
