The piecing process feels a bit different this time than before. I think that's a good thing, because I hope it's from us changing our steps... both being more conscious of our own actions.
Can you guys give me any feedback about this? I feel like I need to know if the current “state of affairs” is normal.
It’s been two months since H was going to ask for legal Sep and I had my 180- and blasted him. (March 13). Four days after that, he told me he wanted to come back. Now it’s Almost one month since he broke up with OW.
We’re having approx 3 sleepovers a week. Either at his place (our house) or mine, usually not planned ahead. We’re making effort to control our own moods and be supportive of those and have fun when we’re together. He’s been depressed and a bit negative (he nearly lost his job, but got demoted and it’s not a good thing) – I’m trying to ride this out. We email each other once or twice each day, usually speak on the phone for a few minutes, too. We see each other usually every three days.
The physical intimacy is our best means of connection right now – very, very good. The emotional is slow coming. In between seeing each other, he’s been asking for some space, and I’ve backslid a bit on that. In conversations we’re both getting quicker at putting things back on track when we fall into the circular thing. He’s offering encouragement and reassurance when he has it. I try not to ask.
He isn’t as present as he was that first week. He was very optimistic and strong then. (before he got back to work and a routine). He was already been bringing up a lot “we” stuff, and said that it was a goal of his for us to move back in together, move forward, etc. That has taken a bit of a backseat to “I need to catch my breath a little”. He had a terrible routine before and that’s part of this for him - to build a new one. I will admit (here) that’s discouraging to me though I know we have to move slowly. In fact it is a good difference from last time that we aren’t jumping into big issues or talks right away.
I am wondering If he’s been in contact with ow, but I don’t ask. He was more open that first week about it, and I sense he might be feeling protective, so I leave it go right now. He offers reassurance about it when he thinks of it… he got an email while I was there the other night very late (makes a sound when it comes in) and he told me it wasn’t from her, and I could see if I wanted to.
He mentioned continuing with his Counsellor the other day, and I support that. Money is the problem there, though. I brought up going together too, but carefully. I made sure he knew it was up to him and that I didn’t mean that we should dive in to anything intense right now.
How are we doing? Sometimes I wish we had a third person to babysit us right now, and let us know when we’re doing well and not well… My instinct says it feels different than before. Things are building positively – but slowly. It feels like we’re two people dating casually right now. Dare I say we’re getting to NORMAL. The big ups and downs are leveling. That’s good, but his negative mood feels a little discouraging – I have to wait it out, I guess. He says he’s dealing with it and trying to make it better.
