Thanks JJ, I think it was a good 180 too. BUT there's a side effect to it, I get mad a lot more often than I used to now. Have to re-learn controlling my reactions again, I think.
Good example..
From last Wed night until Saturday night, H and I had a really great time together. We slept in the same place (alternated his and mine), went out with friends, went out of town, laughed a lot... Talked about a lot of future oriented things- which he brought up. Fun stuff, not OR. Trying to be open, he told me a couple of little things he has left to do for former ow (that's what I want to call her now)... From start to finish -It felt so great.
Then yesterday, I backslid. I had time alone to think and guess what popped back into my mind? those little things he is still obligated to do for her... I tried to contain myself by not calling him, but then right in the middle of my frustration, he called me and I jumped headfirst into the pattern. He asked me what he could do to help make it better, and the only solution I can find is for him to finish those things. I don't want to keep asking or pushing - it feels like it pushes ME away. And I don't want it to keep throwing us off, either. I liked enjoying the time together and not thinking about it anymore.
I have to watch it, my fears from before are now masked by anger. I just say "forget it" a lot more than I used to. I wonder if I am being fair?
Am I not letting him prove what he has to prove in his own time?
Sorry, I guess I don;t seem so strong today as I did in the last post- it comes and goes, but I'm trying to keep the eye on the ball.
