I did finally talk to an MC and we have our first appointment tomorrow afternoon. I honestly don't know what to expect, so I'm not expecting anything. W seems perfectly willing to go - no resistance, not gung-ho, just willing, as if it's just something to do. When I talked to the MC, I told her the bare essentials of our sitch. I also told her about my previous conversation with an MC, and him telling me basically it wasn't going to work with W still in the A. But, right before talking to this new MC, I realized my goal with an MC now is not "work on the marriage", it's "let's at least talk about this a bit." After explaining this to the new MC, she agreed with what the other MC said, but said that if the latter is my goal, we can work from there. Wish me luck.
More and more, I suspect OM is in town, and perhaps long term. Without snooping, I know very little about the ongoings of his life - if he's gone through with his divorce or if he's quit his job and moved like he was talking about (moving to same city as W and me was discussed at one point). Well, I'm not going to try to satisfy that curiosity/suspicion by snooping again. But, ever since d-day, I am paying closer and closer attention to some small changes in W. Like I said, I know 100% she is talking to him still (simple recognition of the IM client she uses to talk to him only), and I've watched her hide windows on her computer as I walk by. But, she's spending less and less time on her laptop when I'm home, and away from any computer... I figure she's getting her time with him, somehow. School has started back up, though; she'll be on the laptop much more just for that alone. There's been zero perceivable difference in our R, and she stays as emotionally distant as ever. I can't PMA on this one - I just feel too much like something even worse than before is going on... a disturbance in the force.
I still want so hard to grasp at positives, though. Today, when I came home in workout clothes, W commented on how my calves are getting well defined. So, she continues to notice my physical improvements. But, her actions still speak so much louder and drown out these little compliments.
Did I mention W got me a gift certificate to go sky diving as a bday present? My joke is she's trying to get rid of me. Well, if I'm going, I'm taking some co-workers with me! I'm trying to set up a group from work to go with me, which includes my best friend. Maybe I am just crazy enough to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
