**** I think it's not so much detaching that I've been having a problem with, but instead building anger and frustration.
Others can attest to this to. You cannot do this if you want your wife back. If others read RC situation, please advise him. I can't.
All I can tell you RC is that I came back to my wife because she was gentle, loving and supportive. She was not angry or pushy or needy.
****Besides the rape, she has some other really bad things in her past
Well I can empathize. For her sake and yours I hope she finds the answers and works through this. The good news is maybe this is what she needs to finally work through her "issues". If this brings her to a point to cope with the past and move on, your marriage will be so much better. Even better than your honeymoon.
Keep the faith.
****OM apparently shares a lot of similar "bad things", so provides a lot of sympathy and understanding.
Sorry. That's not a good thing. My dad divorced my mom because his OW he had. They will sit there and have a pity party. That is not good for her mental health or your marriage. Sorry.
****I can't see how this does anything but guarantee failure
You got that right.
****not to mention damaged psyches of our girls if she ends up with custody living with OM
You can't already be thinking about defeat. This war is not over!! Fight for this RC you girls deserve you to fight for this.
****She didn't avoid me physically like she's been doing
That's a good thing.
****then, I read a bunch and put the girls to bed
You're a good daddy. Focus on keep on being a good daddy and a good man. Focus on yourself and the rest, good or bad, will fall into place.
Not sure if this helped. Hang in there RC. You sound like a well grounded man and a good man and a good dad/
