Thanks Jokerman - that's about how I've felt and figured. It's how she deals with a lot of emotional things in life. But, what ends up happening is she buries things and they eat away at her soul, making her into the relatively unstable person she can be sometimes.... until she compartmentalizes everything again. It's like she's several powder kegs ready to blow. In fact, she likened my snooping to her being raped at an early age - I think she pulled that one out to be a little (or a lot) extreme. I don't think she likens her affair, with the betrayal of trust and continued deceipt involved, to any such thing - I know I don't - I liken it to an affair involving betrayal of trust and continued deceipt. That's bad enough, in my opinion. My snooping is bad enough on its own, without having to be compared to being raped.
I've been slowly trimming my goatee shorter, just as a change. I've kept the darn thing mostly because W didn't want me to get rid of it - I've had it since well before I met her. After having our D2s for a while, I've kept it for them, because they like the fuzziness. But, I've been progressively trimming it shorter and shorter over the last three weeks or so. I asked for a new beard trimmer from my mom for my bday, and got it. Today, I trimmed my goatee one step shy of that "unshaven" look. Until today, W hadn't noticed I was trimming it short - today she noticed for sure. She asked if I was shaving it off, and I'm not planning on doing so, right now. After shaving the rest of my face, W said "I think you went too short." I don't really plan on keeping it this way, but it does make me look a bit younger - I just answered, "Well, I like it." I've been so blasted concerned about how she feels about my appearance, in the past. Now, I still do care, but mostly just in the sense that she is some other person, and I care about my appearance. I've been feeling better and better about my appearance, and taking care of it, that I don't feel I need her validation anymore. Thinking back, that's not something that started with DB'ing, but something that's been going on for some time.
My appearance when I met W: Long hair (in a ponytail), goatee, contacts, very casual clothing. I didn't have a very much self-confidence in my appearance. I cut my long hair short about 1.25 yr ago, after having it for over 15 years (mainly due to the bother it was after having kids). I switched to glasses a short time after that - I'd been wanting to, part time, but my eye doctor pretty much made me. I've since gotten my hair style to where I really like it. I'm slimming down, after having put on "married with children" pounds. I'm much more conscious of the clothing I'm wearing (not just tshirt and jeans/shorts all the time, anymore). I'm now wearing cologne (a DB thing) and actually enjoy smelling a bit nice. I feel better about my appearance than I have in years... perhaps ever. Too bad W is missing out on this self-image confidence.
