Not once during our talk today was there mention of OM - just the fact W is in an affair. I can't remember her ever comparing me to him - not in our talks and not in any of her communication with him. I know that outside of our talks, I've thought of all sorts of things I want to say and ask about him, but I'm not even tempted to during our talks, although I'm no longer specifically avoiding it. I'm also glad she doesn't mention him, either, for whatever reason. But, I do wonder how much she compares us, or if she literally has the two relationships compartmentalized to an extent where she is simply unhappy in one and happy in the other.
We hit on a discussion point regarding friendship / R maintenance. One of her examples was her trying to send me messages and open discussions on historical and political topics, since I told her I was actually interested in them, but lack the knowledge base she has. But, as she pointed out, I wouldn't respond in-the-moment, instead responding well later. This is going to forever be a problem, if it really is one. I don't read as f'ing fast as she does, and it takes some time for me to read, absorb, and come up with anything to say, for god's sake. But, after validating, my counter was that I am sometimes busy and can't take the time to read and answer right then. Her counter to that was that was exactly the problem - you have to react / communicate in-the-moment for it to be valuable communication going toward maintaining a relationship. I call BS on that, a bit, but whatever.
Another of her points was that I am an introvert, and as such think more about myself than others. Can't say I agree with this, except in the example she came up with. She pointed out how I rarely call home to let her know I'm okay and such. I think this is a Mars / Venus thing (I need to read that book), more than an introvert / extrovert thing. So, tonight, I called her when we got to the restaurant (because it was raining), and I called her when I was heading home. I have to admit, I triply have avoided calling her when I'm on my way home, because I didn't want to give her time to finish up her convos with OM and make as if none of that was going on - ie. catch her in the act. Well, guess what, I did catch her on the phone with him on Thursday night - and I feel that most of her reasoning in bringing this up was due to that right there. Regardless, for now I will call her in any non-normal situations. Hell, I've IM'd her "heading home" messages for God knows how long, and I still do.
