It is so weird to read up on your sitch and see so many similarities to mine. How old is your W? Because the MLC symptoms surely seem present as far as I can tell. My H, when in the haze, loses track of important days (like he didn't recall 4th of July) let alone time oddities. He will tell me he is coming by the house the next day, then I won't see him or hear from him for days. It's like he doesn't recall what he's said, and sometimes the conversation we've had before will happen again like we've never had it before. It's very strange to be on this side of it. And the clothing at bed time is very typical. My H has always been very open with his body, but after he started the A he dressed with his back to me and tucked everything in, and slept on the edge of the bed with his back to me - most of the time. Every once in a while, I have seen a loving warm and open H, like at my D's graduation weekend in May. But it's really rare. I think this is their shame about the A, they can't let us "see" them.
So, yes I think all of what you are describing is really really common, whether it MLC or just affair behavior, I'm not totally sure. And it is really hard, and I am so sorry. I can tell you that I am getting much better at being detached and compassionate though. Do try to go there. Most of this has been working for me best through GAL efforts that have involved ALOT of self care (such as massage, seminars, therapy, exercise including long walks on the beach, etc.) Try to find healthy things to do that make you feel good about yourself and get really regular about them. Give yourself the amount of distance you need to be kind to your W, if possible. I promise you she is hurting. I think the life of a WAS is no picnic. Believe it or not, I would rather be a LBS anyday. Their road is excruciating. So just remember, she is messed up. And then do your best to be NOT messed up yourself.
Hang in there RC. It is hard, but it does get better with time. Time and patience are your best friends
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
