The only thing I really have right now is that I used to accuse my W all the time...in my head. She was screwing this guy six different ways every time she left the house...in my head. The problem was that I figure I was only right a tiny bit of the time, and even then, what was I right about? Sure, I KNOW she was seeing him. She never tried very hard to hide that. What I didn't know was WHAT they did, or he motivations. I don't know if they were making out or she was trying to break things off. I don't know if she was making plans to marry him or tell him to f-off.
So, I am just cautioning you about accusing her when even if you are right, you still may be wrong. Anyway, as we all know, the affair is only one of many problems. Work on the other ones too.
As for the convo, well, it would probably have been best if you didn't have it, but then again, that's only if you could find a way to process your feelings and move on. If you were going to increasingly get angry and act out on these feelings, then maybe you did the right thing.
In the end, your marriage won't end over this one talk so don't beat yourself up too much. Just try to learn to manage your feelings/thoughts as best you can and move forward with your life.
