W has about another year of school left before getting a bachelors in History (with maybe a double degree in Anthropology). After that, she's planning on going to law school. Her original dream was to work in the area of online culture, possibly assisting museums in building their online presence. At some point, one of her professors caused her think about going into law. Beyond her original dream, she wanted to be in a position to help make a change in the world - she started to see law as this avenue. Also, she came to realize that the road to her dream was a long, arduous, and expensive one - she'd have to get a doctorate. But, the road to becoming an attorney was quite a bit shorter, and she started to realize she had a mind and interest for law. The first I heard of this was when she sent me an instant message, right around the time I now know the OA to have started, where OM was trying to convince her to go into law (he's a lawyer - a damn unethical one, if you ask me). So, I forever connect her decision with OM. I was already starting to become resentful of their relationship, so I was immediately opposed to the idea of her going into law. But, more rationally, I felt she was giving up her dream - I didn't consider the path to law any less arduous than her previous path. I also felt she was doing something she has done MANY times in her past - making sudden and dramatic changes in career. But, even though I was against it, I didn't make too many negative statements, because I wanted to support her in whatever decision she made. I did voice the few rational concerns I came up with, but I mainly voiced concern over what impact this would have to her having time with the family, given that she'd also have crazy hours as a beginning attorney.
So, over time, she's gotten more and more ingrained in this idea of going to law school and becoming an attorney. I don't deny she'll make a damn fine attorney, and I've actually bought into the idea. Lord knows it would be a good influx of cash for the family - I may even end up not being the primary breadwinner, which I think might suit me just fine. At some point, I half jokingly said "When you're making the big bucks, I still get to control the finances, right?" I now realize it was a stupid thing to have said, and wish I hadn't. I don't know how much that has stuck in her mind, but it's probably just a drop in the bucket. Anyway, as she's gotten ingrained in this idea, she's gotten closer and closer to OM, with him having both a background in law, and since she and he share MANY of the same political views. During her first few semesters of class (she took some at-home classes while being a SAH mom), I helped a lot with her work. I tried to mentor her in math, her nemesis; I proofread her papers, when she asked for help; I did just about anything I could to help her with her homework, but usually only when asked (which was often enough). Quite suddenly, she stopped asking me for help. At the time, I had a lot of other stuff going on, so it was a welcome relief. I very clearly saw that she was getting that help from OM, but due to my selfish thoughts of relief, it didn't start bugging me until after one semester of it. My other stuff dried up, and I found myself quite idle, depressed, lonely, and just generally feeling neglected by W. Several times, I pointed out that I was quite willing to help with any schoolwork she might have. She essentially just said "okay", but continued using OM's help instead. This grew my resentment and therefore my distancing of myself from W... which probably just ended up feeding the A. ... More thoughts along this line, next.
