Quote: If they like me that much, and they want us together that much, and they want this family to stay together that much, then why don't they stick their noses in a little bit more? Sorry, just pondering how folks external to this affair see things and act (or don't act) to try to correct them.
I feel the same way as you do, often. I just want someone that loves my H and me and our marriage to come in and shake him up and force some logic in his face, and fix this whole thing. Right now! However, I have heard over and over again (hence I am beginning to believe it) that my H will not listen to anyone (or hear anyone) and no one will be able to help much, until he figures it out and owns it for himself.
Now, I only partially believe this. I do think an unbiased, validating listener that my H trusts and feels comfortable with, could make a difference for him. But not someone who would push him. I am sure that anyone confronting him or telling him he is wrong or should do it a certain way (ie. stay in the marriage when he doesn't feel that right now), won't help. He has to decide about his life and what he wants. Your W does too. She has to choose you, all over again. Now, if she is close to her parents and they are not the kind of parents that tell her what to do, maybe a heart to heart with them would help her sort some stuff out. But I am quite sure if they (or anyone) tries to tell your W what to think or what to do or what is best before she is ready, that those efforts will only backfire. I wish it wasn't like this. But I'm pretty sure that our WAS want to be independent grown-ups who decide for themselves and make their own choices. Maybe that's a big piece of why these things happen in the first place. Maybe they have just felt like people have been telling them what to do and not caring about what they wanted or needed for a long time.
I am not sure if I will be able to follow my own advice. I have been contemplating involving more people in our situation lately (see my thread). Yet I am writing what makes sense. It just goes against my emotions, and challenges my patience. My two cents
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
