My sitch - RC

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RC, I have been catching up on your sitch, and wanted to address the living in or separating issue with you. I asked my H to move out when I found out about the A, before I knew anything about DBing, and perhaps it was necessary because I was in such shock and disbelief I am not sure I could have managed myself with my H in the house that first month at least. I cried buckets for weeks. Even now I get triggered by him and his references to the OW and it spoils my day, or my mood etc., even when I KNOW ahead of time what is coming. So I need a fair amount of space, still, just so I can manage myself around H. With that said, I am finding it harder and harder and not seeing any results right now, with H and I more and more spending time apart. There are very few instances for me to show myself off, and it makes me needier and more impatient when I don't see him much (not good). And in your situation, with your little girls, it will disrupt their world with one of you gone. Maybe make them insecure permanently. Really. So I would recommend figuring out strategies that allow you both to remain in the home, but the strategies will have to include you controlling yourself so that you don't mouth off any of those things in your head about OM or the A. Just remember, OM is NOT THE ISSUE. He is just a symptom. Get your act together, and she will notice. Just really get it together, beyond the "act as if" to true deep change which will come if you keep working at it. If she's on the computer, and you don't like what she's doing, leave the room. Go somewhere else. I walk alot now, which is a good strategy when you are living together too. You can even take a cell phone, and vent to a safe someone else. I have lost 30 lbs walking, so it has been a good strategy for me Anyway, I really like your name, Remaining Calm, and that is all your work right now. You do that, find a life that makes you happy so that RCing is easy, and eventually if you are patient, she will figure out what a great guy, what a great dad, etc. you are. Hang in there!