Took the girls to their first movie theater experience today - "Over the Hedge". It turned out great. They sat and watched the whole thing with no problems, making little cute comments here and there. A good start to a Father's Day weekend. Then, W made Father's Day dinner tonight, rather than tomorrow. That made me feel a bit guilty, given I didn't feel like doing jack for her on Mother's Day - didn't consider her that good of a mother, having just discovered the affair three weeks before. Then, I "realized" she probably didn't do it so much for me as that she loves to cook and doesn't get much chance to do so, lately. I thanked her with sincerity, nonetheless.
Posted on Muddle's thread about setting boundaries, so thought I'd mention that, now. I've been giving more and more thought to asking W to move out while this A is still going on. But, I think it is more me trying to control the situation - I don't want her to have this double life so easily. I'm not at all ready for laying down an ultimatum, because I'm not ready to back it up. But, I would really like to just ask her to not be here as part of this family while she leads this second life with OM. I wouldn't keep her from the kids at all, but don't want this to be her home, and don't want it to be so easy for her. Part of that is coming from the knowledge that she's talking to him online at the very same moment she's talking with me face to face. (Damn laptops.) Asking her to move out might be the right thing to do, but I think my reasons are all wrong... so, it's not likely to happen in that sense. Also, there's the logistical problem. W is a full time student, has no savings, so has no money, and I doubt her parents would pay for it. But, if it comes down to it, OM can damn well pay for an apartment for her (maybe not a good thing in and of itself).
Also on Muddle's thread was the concept of fighting for your spouse. Forgive me GH, as this goes into your thought that "the 3% that is on you is only there because of what it may do to attract HER attention." I see DB as two things: (1) improving self, and (2) by improving self, attracting your spouse's attention. I understand that (1) should be your focus, and (2) should just happen, if it's going to happen at all. But, I can't help but think about everything that I am doing for myself, wondering if it will attract W's attention. If there's a chance my W wants me to fight for her, even if that "fight" takes the form of improving myself, then doesn't she need to see it? Therefore, if I want to be sure she sees I'm fighting for her, then shouldn't I be sure some of the things I'm doing are readily visible to her? So, here I am doing the following that are obvious self-improvement actions: going to the gym and going to an IC (although W and I don't talk about it). Things that aren't so obviously self-improvement are those that are simply geared towards making yourself happy: hooking up with friends, watching your favorite TV show, going swimming every night, etc. I see DB/GAL as doing different things than your typical "making myself happy" things - for me, those examples I just mentioned are different. But, what is most typical for me, and what I oft times find most happiness in, is spending hours on my computer, staying involved in the various online communities I'm involved in. BUT, it's so tough for ANYONE to pick up on what you're doing on the computer - you could be up to ANYTHING. So, how can she see that I'm improving myself or making myself happy if I'm just sitting behind a computer screen? Not looking for any answers or advice on this one - just thoughts running through my head. This is why I'm having a hard time picking up anything else to make me happy - I'm most happy when sitting at a computer, and this has been the case since childhood. It's not just a simple matter of picking up things I dropped as I got older. Sure, there are some of those things, but easier said than done on quite a few of them. So, I'm trying out new things. Hrm, maybe that's where the motorcycle desire comes from.
