Here's the thing. DB is not (even though some parts suggest it IS) a "do something" and then see immediate results. It's a way of thinking, a way of life. Actually, that's probably too strong, to call it a way of life. Maybe the best is to say it's a perspective.
It still seems like just about 97% of your attention is on your W, and the 3% that is on you is only there because of what it may do to attract HER attention.
I KNOW it can be hard to GAL. Trust me, that is the part of DB I have done the worst in, but GAL is SO much more than being gone all the time, it's about really embracing and enjoying YOUR life, YOUR passions, YOUR hobbies, hell, I would even say YOUR favorite TV shows. To me, GAL is all about showing yourself AND the world (read:wife) that you can really love life again and have passion for something.
I think too often, especially after D-day, but for many of us long before, all the passion drains out of us. We become these robots, not really getting "up" or passionate about life any more. For a myriad of reasons, different (and surprisingly the same) for all of us, we are angry, depressed, tired, unhappy, unmotivated, lazy, overworked, etc, etc, etc. W sees this and is less than inspired to try to mend things, preferring to go where the supposed "light" is, i.e. OM.
So, don't get down on yourself because you can't fill your time with great out-of-the-house adventures. If you can't get out, do something with the kids and REALLY enjoy it. Watch a movie, preferably a comedy, that you've really wanted to see, and laugh your a$$ off. Just learn to celebrate those parts of your life that truly ARE still ok, even though that big part is not so good. It really does help.
As for the trip, I guess I am just worried that you have HUGE expectations, compounded by the money thing, and may sabotage any chance of a "nice" time. If you have been with me for awhile, you know I went to Ireland and had a lot of the same fears/expectations. I probably exhausted a thread's worth of posting to get to the point (with the help of a LOT of people here) where I expected NOTHING from my W, and everything in terms of MY ability to JUST HAVE FUN, with, or without my W's participation. Again, it took a LONG time for me to see the wisdom in that, and you know what, it worked like a charm. Did we have $ex on that trip like I REALLY wanted to? Nope. Did we even hold hands or kiss? Nope. Did that disappoint me? Yep, but in no way did I let that show. Sure, we had our moments, some bad, but mostly, it was the BEST TRIP we ever had because I was not concerned with anything but ME having a great time, and W went right along with me. I think she finally felt safe, like at any moment I was not going to break out the R talk and ruin things.
I just hope you are not looking to this trip as some kind of magical elixir, and that when you get W alone, away from the "daily grind" that she'll melt into your arms, forgetting all that's been going on. I know you DID NOT say that's what you expect, but I am trying to get you to really look hard at what you DO expect and then understand that any expectations you place on her are not really acceptable, and yes, as you pointed out, controlling in a way.
If you can take this trip and accept that NOTHING may change in your sitch, then I would say go for it. If you can take the trip with the idea that you want to SEE if you can affect change in her, then fine, but only if you can honestly accept, and then immediately upon rejection (if that happens, and I hope it doesn't) happily move on to the rest of the time, going on as friends, or whatever the sitch allows you two be.
It's really hard to do that, and I had MANY people telling me not to take my trip. I can tell you that there were MANY times I had to focus my efforts in order not to show sorrow or anger at things "not happening" but you know what, most of the time I was having so much fun, I didn't even notice.
Sure, this is a wedding and likely not to have all the "fun" time that my trip did, but you can still approach it with a "beginner's" mind and NO expectations, only that you enjoy yourself and display that happy, PMA, GAL guy that CAN go on without her if he has to.
Ah, Father's Day. I feel you there. I am dealing with the same thing. I too only want that "special" thing from W for Father's Day and probably won't get even close.
All I can say is that you just need to focus on the kids and let things fall where they may. I know it hurts but you will be ok.
Lastly, it seems (and for sure, I have not been really good at reading you) that a LOT of what you are venting about is a lack of control over W. You HAVE to let that go. You cannot control her and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be as an individual AND as a partner.
I really hope you pull out of the funk soon. You know it comes in waves and soon, it will crest, giving way to the next sorta "up" time. I think you are trying pretty hard, and know the right things to do. Just work on letting go of that control and making more REAL happy times for you that DON'T involve her.
