Quote: Usually MC is not recommended when only one of the parties is actually interested in saving the marriage, i.e. when the affair is still in full swing.
I think I was partially hoping for an MC to suggest I start seeing them as the one partner that is willing, then when W is willing to work on the marriage (ie. stop the affair), we could both go. But, I also feel/know that W should be involved in choosing the MC, so kind of a contradiction. At this point, I'm going to wait to set up any appointments until this A has stopped - in the meantime, I'm going to try to touch base with a few MCs to get a feel for them ahead of time.
Quote: I don't remember, are you in IC? If not, maybe try that first, and by all means, please pick a C that is not going to start out with "well, there's really NO hope for you right now..."
Yup, in fact had my fifth (?) session today. I'm the one that loaned his C copies of DB and DR - she's read a bit, but not enough to really talk about it during our sessions. On a related note...
In my C session today, my C convinced me to send that email I had typed up about drinks at dinner vs W trying to give me money for them. I was pretty much going with the suggestion to hold off any such discussion until the next time it happened, but my C had a couple of good points. It's probably a bad idea to discuss this when right in the moment, and particularly when that moment is when W has been drinking. I saw her point, and effectively agreed, but I did pose the counterpoint that W and her family (mostly her dad) are much more open and honest, particularly in regards to emotional matters, after having a few (or more than a few) drinks. We discussed the concept of presenting discussion points like this in different media than your usual mode - eg. in writing, rather than verbal, if you're usually verbal. The idea being that if the other person isn't catching what you're saying, then say it in a different way (is this in DB? it might be - I forget where I picked it up). Our typical mode is instant messenger - most of our "serious" discussions have been over instant messenger. I kind of feel my email approach is a bit too much like that. So, I am probably going to hand write it and deliver it as a letter/note for her to read - will be quite different from my usual, as I've rarely hand-written more than a little note in a greeting card for her.
I had some other updates, but can't remember them right now. Have to get to bed somewhat early as I have a meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow morning!
