Quote: If you are like me, you probably used to CONSTANTLY check in with your W, or even if you didn't, she probably knew where you were most of the time, right.
That's fairly accurate. In fact, I'm trying to think of a way that I can just get out of the house almost every night after putting the girls to bed, without telling her in any way, shape, or form where I'm going or what I'm doing. I would in actuality just be going down to Starbucks, the park, or anywhere I could just be out of the house, even if alone. I've thought of just saying "I'm heading out. I'll have my cell phone and can be back within 5 minutes if you need me." Being at home, it just seems like I'm doing more of the same, which is mostly just sitting down and messing around on my laptop after we get the girls to bed. W does essentially the same, working on school work (and talking to OM), and there's very little interaction between us - again, more of the same, but not something I feel I can change, right now. I figure that getting out of the house would definitely be a change, for me, at least until I can kick up my hobbies. The negative is that I won't be around W all that much - but, right now, I'm finding it hard to detach when I'm around her (although maybe not so much harder when I'm not), which I think is leading to the lack of interaction.
Quote: There is no sense in making yourself uncomfortable doing something that you don't want to do, i.e. lie to her.
Am I lying to her? (question to self) I don't think I've explicitly lied to her - just been very secretive about what I'm reading and such, and deceptive in so much as reacting as if I don't know all these details I know from snooping. But, point taken - it is making me uncomfortable, and I should probably just go about my business. First step is probably to not worry about her reading my screen when walking around - about all she'll be able to see is a big "DivorceBusting.com" web page header. Next, I'll probably just start reading the books out in the open - I'm already not worrying so much about keeping them out of sight, as the girls pulled them out the other day while playing in our bedroom. The stuff about having passwords set and whatnot, I'm not so much uncomfortable about as just upset to be put in this position where I feel I have to protect my own data, now.
Thanks again for your thoughts, GH.
RC
P.S. Been one week after my first attempt at stopping snooping - have done pretty good, except for aforemention regression. It's all I can do to keep from reading her email to see if they are indeed meeting up when she's out of town.
