I think God is conspiring against W going to church. We haven't been since shortly before d-day. Today, one of our D2s was running a fever, and while it's not high enough to keep us from going out at all, W didn't want to put her around the other kids. I even offered to take slightly-sick D to run some errands while W and other D go to church, and W said "No, we'll go as a family when we can go" (or something similar) - was good to hear that little bit.
Forgot about one thing about Saturday. W and I have had this tradition of buying a shared gift every anniversary. Essentially, antique prints from this one particular store. We bought our 4th anniversary one in early April, and I got a call shortly before d-day (5/1) that it was ready. We hadn't had a chance to pick it up, and I'd been thinking about it frequently over the last couple weeks. The store is right by my office, so I was planning on picking it up myself next week during lunch. On Saturday, W mentioned we needed to go pick it up - first mention of it by either of us since d-day. I doubt her saying it means anything, but the gift is one of those reminder items that has been tough for me to deal with - probably doesn't mean anything to her except some piece of art at this point. Anyway, we ended up not getting over that way on Saturday. I ended up over in that area by myself today, so I picked it up. Brought it home and W commented how great the prints turned out, joked about hanging them on her side of the bed, and that was that. No reading of meaning off of her - man, she is just so walled off from me these days.
As far as today as a whole went, I was in a rather bad mood. W is going on an archaeological dig in relation to school this coming weekend - she'll be gone Friday and Saturday nights. I have every suspicion that OM is going to meet up with her there - previous evidence and too good of an opportunity to pass up. I think it was thinking about this that had me in a bad mood. What made it worse was W was in a snappy mood today - snapped at me, snapped at my mom (which REALLY pisses me off, so made my mood worse). I think today was my first day of totally not being able to hide my feelings. I tried being "zen" and convert my bad mood to something better by deep breathing, thinking happy thoughts, and such. It worked ever so slightly - just enough to get me to dinner, which we were having with my mom and D2s at Benihana's. That went quite well, and I'm in a better mood now, but today was one of those days that made me realize how hard it really is to not do something stupid and take that "one step back". (W is also going to the arch dig later this month - at least my mom is going with her that time (mom is into archaeology).)
