Had a busy day today. Ran a lot of errands all over town with W and our kids. We had planned to go to an outdoor concert tonight and W was going to cook out on a new grill she bought. We got home around 2pm, and I assembled the grill. I asked her when we needed to light the charcoals, and she said 4:30. She proceeded to nap out on the sofa, so I asked her what time she wanted to get up - she said 4:30, so she could start the coals. Well, I actually had a hankering to start the coals, myself - had never used a chimney starter before, and wanted to give it a try. So, 4:30 rolls around, and I start the coals (should have known better). 4:35, I wake W and tell her I started the coals. She gets up all frantic and starts doing various things to get food ready, being just snappy enough that I didn't really notice. I mentioned to her that we hadn't soaked any wood chips for smoking, and I hadn't gotten any ready, then she went off on me about "I'll take care of things, okay?!!!" I simply said "Look, I wasn't trying to get on your case.... I'll be outside." Sometimes, she'll wake up from sleep and be rather off, usually due to a bad dream or something - so, I chalked it up to that. But, she continued to be huffy, so I asked her if she was upset I lit the charcoals - just a clear straight question, no emphasis I was upset at being snapped at, which is usually what I'd do. She said she had wanted to do it. A while later, she said "I'm sorry, it's just that it's all a timing thing, and I didn't have the chicken ready." I said "I understand." and left it at that. Admittedly, I should have thought of this timing issue, woken her up, and *asked* if I should/could light the charcoals. What stinks is there ended up not being enough charcoals, the fire wasn't hot enough, and the chicken didn't cook enough on the grill, so she had to finish it in the oven. But, she didn't evidence any upset after her 'apology'.
We ended up having a decent time at the outdoor concert, having a few cups of wine, and laughing at the girls as they danced to the music. I'm seeing a trend with this alcohol thing. I'm not the type to liquor someone up for my purposes, be they altruistic or otherwise; but, it darn sure is tempting, just so we can have a good *close* time. Ah, well - we've got a family event coming up for July 4th - she's bound to get drunk at that, on her own accord.
Anyway, this is the first "fight" we've had since d-day. I handled it partly how I usually would, in that when I was alone outside I just kind of sat and "meditated" (deep breathing to calm down, etc) - but, I refrained from snapping back and pushing the fight to prove I was "right" or "in the clear" about my actions - ie. I just let it slide. Not sure if this was entirely DB or not. Seems like the "sucking it up" passive part of being passive-aggressive, and I'm afraid of just blowing some day during one of these types of fights.
