NO, I never gave my C a copy of DB or DR. Actually, I never really even mentioned the name of the books to her. I did mention the author's name and it didn't register to her.
I guess I just lucked out with her but some of it is by design. The first thing I did was tell her that DIVORCE WAS NOT something I wanted to discuss with her. She reluctantly agreed but was curious why that was, why I would limit my options. I then told her about the DB principals without really talking about the books. I told her that I had an online support group of sorts and that these things, no R talk, focus on self, not "forcing an end" to the affair, etc were all things that people here have used and made work for them. She was curious but by NO means convinced. I guess you could say we just agreed to semi-disagree from the beginning. NOW, she is a believer but has said many times that I am a VERY strange case to her because she has never really seen someone be able to do what I have done, in the way I have done it, i.e. she's not had someone successfully (or unsuccessfully for that matter) DB as a patient of hers.
Again, for whatever reason, I just never share much about DB to my C. She knows I am getting the ideas from books but I choose to use my time with her to address my more personal issues and not so much address my marriage. We DO talk about my W and my marriage a lot, but that is mainly as context for what changes and issues I want/need to address as an individual. Does that make sense?
I guess I just have had a clear idea of what I wanted from my C from day one, and that is help with my self-discovery and eventual growth. The marriage part, as DB says, can be GREATLY helped by that personal awareness. I believe that is true.
Hope this clarification helps. Please, ask away if I can explain any more.
