Hello everyone. Remember me? Separated 4 + years, no contact. H. filed for divorce two years ago. Around Easter time, found out that h. is living with suspected OW--this is the first concrete proof that he had OW, even though I had a lot of puzzle pieces before that.
Well, the divorce is final. I had been out of town and when I came home on Monday, the papers were int he mail. We would have been married 35 years on June 5. It is still so unbelievable and sad to me. I knew it was coming, but the finality of it all still has a sting to it.
He said he is planning on marring OW as soon as divorce was final and he was getting frustrated that it was taking so long. I did not do anything to hurry things along, since I think divorce, especially in this case is so wrong. In the beginning I asked my lawyer to drag it out as long as he could (in hopes that the time would make my h. reconsider). The time factor did play a part in the settlement. My h. was so anxious to finally get it all over with that he gave me everything I requested. At the time I made my proposal, I didn't know about his living arrangements, nor of the fact that he was living with OW, or I would have asked for more monthly maintenance. But I am thankful that I got to keep my house and the lake property free and clear.
So it's over. Do I feel relieved? In a way I feel a relief that I don't have to dread coming home and finding a letter from the lawyer or a message about these matters.
I have such a mixture of feelings. I hate the fact that SHE will have the same last name as me. I hate the fact that he has done nothing to repair relationships with our kids. We have two new grandchildren on the way, but he doesn't see the two we have very often.
My daughter told me last night that she is dreading Father's Day because she doesn't want to see him. She said she and her sibllings know he is so wrapped up in OW and his own life he does not care about any of them. They are also sad and angry. They have lost a dad, yet they say they are more comfortable at family gatherings without him. They evidently have already talked about whether or not they will attend his wedding if they are invited and they have said the will not go.
Well, I know I'm rambling, but just wanted to update. I'm staying very busy to keep from doing too much thinking, but I did get a case of "What if I had...." last night that my daughter had to talk me through.
Lib, I read your post and am so glad things went well for you. Any call yet? I'll call you soon. I am still working this week, but next week things will be winding down for the summer.
I'm so sorry. As you say,it must still sting even after two years in process. I am relatively new here (sigh) and so don't "know" you, but did want to send a hug and say I know it must still hurt.
This is the day you've been dreading and you're so kind to come here and let us know - and to think of me. Such a gracious soul. Your husband has made the mistake of his life - the Lord knows it and we all know it, as do your children.
You still have the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage that you took that will guide you through this miserable process - that I can see are guiding you even as you write today.
Thank God your children will not attend his adulterous pseudo marriage - or non-covenant marriage as they are called. He is just play-acting. I wonder in his heart of hearts how much deep guilt he really has. He may cover it up with lots of bluster, but it's got to be under there somewhere. The Holy Spirit is listening to your prayers by working on your husband. He can't be, nor should be be, too comfortable in his sinning life.
I do wish for you days of serenity and peace. You know you fought this every step of the way and loved your husband all through. You raised beautiful and successful children and have precious grandchildren and never left them to wonder if they could count on you as he has. You have so much to offer God.
We'll have a nice, long talk when you get done with school - maybe even a visit.
Treat yourself well and know that God is with you.
I don't really "know" you either but I'm sorry your long struggle has come to this. You sound like a strong person so I'm sure you'll be O.K. and succeed at what life has in store for you next. (((((((Vee)))))))
((( Vee ))) You have been on my mind a lot lately and I think now I know why. Last we got in touch we were both waiting for the papers to arrive. I am sorry Vee, so sorry this is how things ended , they say its not over until its over and there is a plan for us, as much as that may be hard to take in now, it helps me.
I remember you being my very first poster and how warm and loving you were to me as a newcomer, it shows the wonderful, classy woman you are and have always been through this. I too, now go to the mailbox w/ a nervous anticipation, I figure mine should be here within 3 weeks, which would make it just around our 23rd wedding anny. How does one react when one gets something they never dreamed they would have to deal with.
Take comfort in your children, and those beautiful grandbabies, cant believe you have more precious babies on the way!
When you are up to it, and feel like it, please write me I miss you and will always be grateful for your kindness
love K
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry that it did turn out like this. At the sametime, you deserve some peace.
You already know that I think although he thinks he has what he wants, his actions don't back it up. Why does he still drink, or hide from you and the kids? Why if he was so happy and he really believed what he was doing was right and ok, did he lie to everyone who loved him until he was caught red handed? He has no peace in his life. I also know that even if he marries 'her', his troubles are far from over. He's lost everyone and everything that he ever cared about in the divorce. When this doesn't work, he'll have nothing left to lose. It's so sad and makes me wonder what the heck this was all for.
Vee, you have done everything the right way. You stood up for your family and for your beliefs. After everything that I have witnessed through my own journey, both here and in 'real life', I truly believe that good things come to those who wait. I guess that the hardest thing for us to remember is that God is in charge and not us. Someday the 'why's' will be very clear to us!
Well, I will try to give you a call this weekend. Cait graduates on Friday night and the kids will all be here so it probably won't be until Sunday. I think we both deserve a Saturday lunch at Josephine's! I can taste the lobster bisque as I write this......................
I was sorry to read your news. You actually sound pretty together despite it however. i suppose the silver lining of the end of this road is that you can stop looking over your shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is probably somewhat liberating in the end.
Vee, thanks for the update. The one good thing to be said for having it over and done with is that you at least know what's yours and you don't have to wait for the other shoe to drop. There will be more to this story as life goes on but keep the focus on yourself and your kids and all will be well. It's not going to be fun for the OW and your XXX once they actually come out into the world and see what's really going on. Take care. Wonder
