Thought it was time to update.

Just in a week, I have grown and become stronger. I went out to dance too. [Smile] I have tried not to think about how H was doing, and been quite successful with that. I have also been opening up to new possibilities for my life. There’s been a relief in just not worrying anymore.

Your H has had it pretty easy, you've given him everything he's wanted. You've been nice, you've been kind, you've been understanding, and you've listened to him. This has seemed to work for you up to a point, but it's never seemed to take you over the "hump", so to speak.

You were right, Kent, I needed to get to a point where I was ready to pull out the fence, for myself.

I guess it’s not going to be a surprise to the wiser ones here, but H called Sunday night and was pretty messed up. Realizes he is way too unsure of what he’s doing to go through with it (moving to be with ow). I'd laugh if it wasn't so preposterous at this stage. A lot of what I said to him was "dead on" in his book. Before that, he had prepared Separation papers for me to sign (didn’t get a chance to tell me with all the talking I was doing), but doesn’t want me to sign them, now. He’s going to tell ow another lie to buy time to think. He can’t do that with me anymore.

He’s been pursuing. I’ve seen him a couple of times in the last few days, just casual. He's away on business for the next few, and to think. There are boundaries. We hug or kiss, but no more - I am in self-protection mode and he knows it. I told him I am not even sure about us anymore - which is pretty scary to me. It is no longer just a matter of him saying “ok I’ll come back now” and tada - forgiveness. He knows this. I found out that his biggest fear of coming back has been that I would “make him suffer for everything he’s done” for a long time. I asked him if he was confusing that with work he would have to do to, then to forget it. I am not mean, but I will only listen to a point about his troubles. No promises from him. No questions from me. He will get no further with me unless OW is gone for good. Up to him. We’re standing right on the very brink. Kind of weird. I’m still being kind to him, but in a different way. I don’t know if there are other boundaries I should set.

Weird shoes, these ones… I would say that it's like an Alien has taken over MY body, but I'd rather think of it as "New Management" - has made some good improvements. [Big Grin]
Hope it's here to stay.

LeeP