Thanks for replying so fast, JJ, It's really great to bounce ideas off right now. As I'm replying to this, I am getting some interesting thoughts.
What's going on that's making you think that D-day is on his mind and just around the corner? That some of the things he's doing he's doing for "closure"? Are you just being guilty of trying to read his mind?
Well, it’s a mixture of both. I am guilty of trying to read his mind. Believe me, I’d like nothing better than to be wrong about it, though. I should not question his motives for being nice and removing barriers or even wanting to “talk” but I don’t trust any of the signs (good or bad).
The reason I think that he wants to ask for D, and to move is because I think he was going in that direction at the end of Jan when he put the brakes on us reconciling. (OW never knew he was thinking otherwise after all) He took the time to think more about it because I convinced him to (and he really wanted to make sure it’s the right thing). I think he has been doing that, but I do know he has started up contact with her again and so I came (jumped) to the conclusion he’s planning his moves now. Whenever I return his calls, his line is busy. L And other things are changing in his life: he had just taken a promotion at work in Dec, and now the new group he’s in might be disbanded and sent back to old dept’s (he doesn’t want to do that). His daughter is going through a phase where she’s vocal about wanting to be with her mom on his weekends. He is at the end stages of a creative project that he’s always wanted to do, soon it’ll be done. One of the only friends he sees just moved away. If the grass in ow’s world didn’t look greener and more refreshing before, I’m sure it does now.
It’s not just our R he wants to change, it’s his whole life. Project “Clean Sweep” (some of our friends have done this too, to their downfall). He wasn’t happy before we split, and then it’s gone downhill since. He says it’s a bigger risk to move to be with her, than it would be to go back to our old life again. He will be sacrificing a lot to be with her. But I think it the opposite - easier to have “instant new life” in her world than to rebuild what he wants here, with or without me. But who am I to know that? Back in Sept, he said he thought he just “had to find out”, but he could see it not working out with her. Too much difference in their personalities and life.
I wish I could prove there are other options. I do not want the “old” life back, I want a different new one, with some of the same good stuff. Some of our good times lately have been snapshots of this, actually. On my own, I have wondered if I will even stay here if he leaves. I have not shown this enough to him, so he probably thinks I am just wanting our old life back. Maybe my LRT should be more about that, too.
I'm glad you're taking some time for yourself to regroup between your visits. And I can't blame you a bit for being sick of anticipating and having your "talks". It seems like that been a big thing with the two of you for a long time. How's that been working for you so far?!
When we have the “dim” periods, it’s usually after we’ve done something good together, so I usually feel calmer at first and like I can take a break from the situation. This lasts about 4 or 5 days, then I start to worry about it again. He calls and the first thing he says is “I’d like to get together and talk- let you know where I’m at with things”. This seems ominous to me because he won’t give details over the phone, and his tone is not optimistic sounding (There I go “reading his mind”). I keep thinking if he good news to share, he’d come right out and say it. I had to tell him this straight out this past weekend that I am actually afraid of him. This really upset him and he wants to help change that.
I have been going back and forth between the worrying and then trying to accept whatever will come - that I have no control. Then, I act differently around him, more carefree. Naturally, this is when are the best. I sometimes wish I could abandon the whole situation, not deal with it at all. Like he has done at times. (It's not necessarily coming from a good place, but I wonder what would happen?)
One of the biggest parts of the LRT is moving on with your life, beyond the R. If you're in constant fear of what's going to be said, you're going to be reacting to things that are going on.
This is so true. What do I need to do to genuinely “move on”? I have considered the following : Date others, make a financial plan and possibly declare bankruptcy (if possible), look for jobs elsewhere, leave town (though I don’t know if that’s just depression talking). I don’t think he realizes I think about these things.
Want me to call him?!
Actually - Yes! Would you???? I think that would be worth trying. (I don’t think you’re serious about the offer, but I wish you were.)
