I ordered my tapes for the new KLA group. I hope they are a) not sold out and b) make it to me in time. J I’m really excited about this because I need to sharpen my DB brain that’s been dulled by all the activity.
Two weeks and I think it’s going well. Our weekend away (last weekend) was a good step. The high points were laughing and talking over dinner the first night- feeling relaxed, and night number two drinking champagne and staying in – just relaxing. We ran out of champagne so I offered to go find us more – I took charge ! Low points were: Saturday afternoon when we felt a little awkward “so what do we do now” kind of thing (OW came up too) and Sunday when we drove home - a good OR talk turned a little too sensitive, but we recovered well. When I got to my apartment after almost all week with H (and fresh from that bumpy OR talk) I felt “oh yeah, I still live HERE”… I got a little down. I’m having some trouble with that. (which is entirely me). This past week, another big week. We spent three nights together at the house. Woke up one morning to realize it was the one year anniversary of a very painful day in our separation. I didn’t want it to affect us, but it was too big to ignore. We talked about it briefly and carefully. The best part of that was to be able to look back and think how we’re in a much different/better place now. (hopefully). What a difference a year makes! Friday night, H had his daughter, so I went out with friends and RAN INTO OW # 1– the one that led to OW #2. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned her, but I have only really known for sure for a couple of months now. I learned through my snooping, and I waited a long time to tell H that I knew about her (until I was strong enough to do it in a good way). We hadn’t talked any more about it, but Friday night I confronted her! I wasn’t sure when H and I would talk about it, but I needed the closure for myself so I did it, and I’m very pleased with how I handled it. I did not attack, we just talked. And it was really ok. This opened it up for H and I to talk about it last night, which was scary for both at first, but went ok, too. Yea, a lot is happening fast. I have to admit, I’m having trouble quieting my thoughts. I have fallen into some insecurity traps - afraid to trust when things are peaceful. So I am going to reread DR, and I’m think KLA is just the kick I need to stay in line! I have been here before, and I want it to work this time. H is putting his heart into this, I really think. I have to remember to breathe.
