Ok, I'm back - finally. One of the things I regret writing above is that the book was something YOU were reading, not your husband - but the truth is, it was written primarily for men, but is equally useful for women WHO ARE INTERESTED IN LEARNING HOW MEN THINK. Unfortunately, society as a whole and social engineers in particular have taken man's true nature and turned it into something evil, when from it has sprung nearly every accomplishment of merit in history! Net result: men are relentlessly told how wrong they are to feel as they do, act as they do, want what they want.
So what am I saying? Feminism is the root of marriage problems? Hell no! But feminism and it's offshoots have, unfortunately, made men feel "wrong", and women feel somehow diminished for wanting men to be men. Oh, I don't mean abusive cavemen, so save the nasty replies, I mean strong, confident MEN - men who make women glad to be women, who can fulfill the role of protector, romantic lover, and father. Men are hard-wired to be this, women hard-wired to want it, and leopards are not to be blamed for their spots.
The reason Cunningham's stuff is effective is that it goes to the root of human nature, and Crazed, you recognized that - so get back to his site and downlaod the real book, the one that isn't free! In it, he talks about two things I'll bet will really resonate with you, and one that you desperately need to read.
First, the two: The "emotional scale" of men and women and how they differ, and "testing". After you read them, read them again, then again, then look for examples in your marriage. Then read again. I'll bet a million bucks you'll be apalled at how obvious it all seems after reading it, and wonder how you couldn't see it before. Then read the testing section, and ask yourself if it sounds familiar - did you do it? Did your husband respond wrong? (more on THAT in a second).
Next, read the "evaluation" section, and look hard at your marriage - not just as it is now, but as it was, before all this emotion hit you like a tidal wave. I'm betting that you'll find that you relly ARE married to a good man, who loves you, and wants to have a happy marriage himself.
Now, back to the "testing". Read that, and ask yourself WHY? WHY does my husband waffle and change his answers to always try and please me when I know he's not doing what makes him happy, or what he thinks is right? Just to shut me up? Because he has something to hide? Here's the big secret, the most confounding irony, the greatest trick pulled on women - he does it, against his nature, because HE LOVES YOU. He surrenders his heart's desire, he surrenders his passions, he surrenders what he thinks is right - for YOU. He's been told to by "society", and you implied as much by asking. And you lose respect for him, and he for himself. Sexual desire evaporates and you're left with, hopefully, a good man who continues to be a dad and provider, but......drumroll please.....the thing soooooooo many women have said......"something is missing"....."I love him but I'm not IN love with him"...."I need more than this".
Knowing this......get what's missing, fall in love with him, get what you need...from him.
If he's any kind of man, he wants it - he wants to be your man, to posses you, to lead you, to smile when you enter the room, to look forward to seeing you, to make love to you, to grow old with you. If he fails every test, fails the evaluation.... maybe he's not. But I'll bet he is. All men are, with the right woman.
