Another update: Asked her last night if we could discuss the separation agreement today - she thought Saturday would be better. This morning, I told her that I couldn't see putting it off, and I'd like to do it tonight. She snapped at me and said it was too early in the morning, and she'd let me know later. She seems to be in some kind of denial about this situation - back and forth with her moods, almost wishing I'd attack her verbally, and surprised when I don't act emotional. She told me Saturday that it was too late for her to come home - it became too late when she started to spend nights with OM. Like an idiot, I failed to ask her why she felt that way. I know the answer - she feels incredibly guilty, and needed me to reassure her she wouldn't be punished for her actions, and that I know of my responsibilities. That was a big communication error on my part - and I'm really focusing on NOT making them lately. This is the biggest 180 I could make, as I have always been totally direct, totally honest, totally BLIND to what she was trying to talk to me about. Very Mars, she's very Venus; if you're in to that language. I read that book too long ago to remember all the details, but I get it now! It's very anti-DB, but I have asked her some questions to lead her back to her contradictions in describing the OM relationship. She is REALLY fantasizing/idealizing him, and if I do nothing, I'll lose my wife forever. If I do something, I'll probably lose my wife forever. I just have to choose the lesser of the evils so that I know I've tried my best for my family.
