GH - I hear you, and agree. Truthfully, I was short on time this a.m. and I type slow, so I did a poor explanation of what I'm trying here. Validation of her feelings and opinions occurs on a non-stop basis with me, and I never "argue" her points at all. My example above is pretty poor - I'll give you a REAL one:
Me: Do you remember how you used to say that I was "shutting you down" when you had ideas or wanted things? Her: Oh, yeah.... Me: Well, I finally understand what you meant by that. I've been learning a lot about how men and women communicate, and I understand what happened and how unfair it was to you. So many times you asked a question that should have started a conversation, and I treated it like a simple answer was all you wanted - and I should have known better.
There's more, and some of them are a little "rougher", because when she says unrealistic things about the OM, I'll ask a question about it. Example:
Her: He offsets some of my personality traits in a good way - for instance, he's a real saver and I like to spend. Me: Doesn't it seem odd to you that I'm a saver and you always hated that about me? Her: (quietly) It's just different, I guess...
Another:
Me: He seems to be much more committed and in love with you than you are him - is that true? Her: Oh, hell yes....I don't even want him driving my vehicle. But he's really nice to me, which is so unlike you, and that's what I need. He'd cut off his hand if I told him to! Me: Do you think you'll have a lasting relationship with him? Her: I don't know, but I'm going to give him a shot. I know he'll never hurt me.
There's more, but I make no judgements about her answers - NONE - not even to myself, really, because I don't have a window to her soul. These questions and this communication is a major 180 for me, because I was depressed and withdrawn for so long. Perhaps that's why I'm seeing positive results.
