I read your stich. Believe it or not I can relate to exactly how you feel. In my M, we both has A's (H's was an EA and very mild, mine, PA's, not so mild).
There are a lot of things I read in here that sound like my household to a tee. For a couple of days, things are wonderful, then out of nowhere, BAM! Anger, yelling, screaming and sometimes even worse.
Sometimes it seems so hopeless. You think you are moving on, but are stuck. You are BOTH in a world of hurt, and you are trying to deal with your own pain AND his as well. My H views his A the same as yours does, he has no remorse, has never apologized, and does not regret it. He was justified in his. I was not. I try to express my feelings, I am heartless and wrong. His views are right.
I have tried to emotionally detatch from this ordeal. I try to listen when he is angry and hurt. I do not respond much. That just makes him even more angry. Now he thinks I don't care because I don't saying anything, but when I do, it just enrages him, more. I tried saying something once, boy did I regret it afterwards.
I am in the same boat. I do not know what to do. I am sorry I do not have much advice to give. All I can tell you, as others have said, there is no "quick fix". I have been here for 6 months, with no indication of getting better, but I hold on for hope that it will be and try to stay strong for my H and kids. I abandoned my H in the past, I do not plan to do that again, unless he tells me to go.
With respect to making something up to apease your H's non beleif...DON'T!!!!! That will only make things WORSE!!! You know you have told him everything. He may not beleive you, but you know you have. You can't make him beleive you.
I know the complictaed situation you are in. Do you leave for your own sanity, or stay to try to keep your family and not loose your H?
You are hurt, angry, feel abandoned. In your H's eyes, you were the one who did everything wrong. Do you have an IC? I would strongly suggest you get one just to have someone you can talk to and have listen to you.
If that is not a possibility, and you just need someone to talk to. Come here. If you would like, you can e-mail me at sigh3996@yahoo.ca.
I know what you are going through. This will probably be the toughest thing you face in your life. Hang in there, but remeber, you need to do what is best for YOU. You need to start working on YOU. My prayers are with you.
