Thanks for the reminders. You're all right, of course. I have not been drawing lines in the sand with him because I see that's what she's doing and it doesn't help her cause. But it's funny, I DO push back on him (mostly verbally), but I don't elaborate about it here, usually, because I wonder if the things I choose border on backsliding at times. It's hard to tell the difference.
I have told him I feel I deserve his best efforts as much as he deserves mine - romance, fun, attention and flowers, whatever...(he agreed, and yesterday, I got the flowers).
I have reminded him that I am his wife and she's not - and what he's expecting me to deal with right now is nearly impossible at times. Especially his going away last weekend to be with her. (After all, HE came to ME with this again).
I have told him I purposely don't ask for anything from him right now, but I do have needs and I need to know he will respect them and want to meet them.
I have been honest about our mutual friend that I was starting to have feelings for (who is very much in both of our lives)- I don't hide when I am going to see him or that he helped me move, etc. We are only platonic friends, but H admits that this situation lights a fire under him to get his act together. I go out alone and (as friends) with a lot of people - and he feels the pinch of that, too. He hears about this a lot
Maybe this isn't the kind of stuff that you mean by making him work for it, and if not, then please let me know your ideas... I'll go back and reread old posts for more, too.
