I’m moved in to the new place, and humble start that it is, the quality of my life has improved 100%! A little disoriented when I wake up and think about how different this life is from what I thought it was going to be, but I have to keep reminding myself it’s only a step…
H came back from his trip Sunday night – called me as soon as he got in. He was pretty drained from heavy talks with OW. He just wanted to say he was “still my husband, and the Aliens hadn’t taken him”. (funny, he's been using those words "husband" and "wife" lately) He said only that he had not fully ended it with her, but started the process, had asked her for space. He wanted now to try opening up with me, and “letting me in” more. He wanted to talk more Tuesday night. So he came to my place (a 180) last night and we had a great talk. By great, I mean honest and real, with a lot of baby steps.
If I only listened to the words, I would be frustrated by his still being stuck- loving two people still, by his saying he wants to be with me, and loves me but also sometimes wants that with her. More of same. I would feel like he’s never going to get out of this limbo. BUT he really wants to solve it, and he’s made an appt (finally) with a really good counselor for next week. He’s also been wearing his ring since he got back, been more attentive about my needs and feelings, and brought me flowers for the first time in a year. He's also making some more small plans with me, and the best action was his opening up last night – he really wants more closeness and openness, and actually started it.
Lightbulb moment! I think this is a bigger challenge to overcome, even, than OW. If we can achieve more genuine closeness and more honesty, I think the rest will fall into place much easier. He’s already said that the best parts about OR is that we really are similar people, have a great new chemistry and that he really thinks I understand him, but we have difficult communication style, sometimes (we’ve come a long way, but have further to go). He has still been afraid to talk (his issue). I think I am going to focus what I can do to help this since it is within my power to do. It’s so odd, because he says he hasn’t had anyone to talk to who knows everything, except now me. OW doesn’t know I’m in the picture as much as I am, and she’ll have nothing more to do with him once she knows differently.
Sorry this is so long, I’m trying to stay focused and writing it out here really helps. I'll try not to sound so much like a broken record
