To answer your question Kent, I'm having a crisis of faith, I think. At the exact moment when I really need to be as strong as I can be. I keep having flashbacks of previous bombs. And in my weakness,I have let on too much about that fear to him. I am angry with myself for that. Wasn't that me just talking about not asking for reassurance and then lately, I need it all the time.
But in all fairness, it is just a bit much to be dealing with his OW, and being pretty much homeless at the same time. I need his support too, and I just can't ask for it. Then he feels horrible for that. A vicious circle. I try to downplay it, and to put on a happy face as much as possible.
Today I sent him an email listing a few light and funny things I consider to be the "bright side of having an affair with my H". He really appreciates my efforts. I do have some moments of clarity, still. Ah well, Tomorrow is a new day, and a new chance to be backslide - free, right?
I have to promise myself to not let fear control me or sabotage this.
