quote: What is there about him helping you with some little problems that is making you uneasy? QB]
It's not the fact that he wants to help - it's the fear that his motivation is guilt. The fear that he is sliding back to OW.
I have had a crisis with my parents again (a week ago), and since then, haven't got really anything secure in my world- it's started the backslide domino effect. Then H and I had an up and down week. OR talks, etc.
Then last night I was trying to call H but he was on the phone for 4 hours with OW. (they do that sometimes)I promised myself I would not bring that up if he called me, but I did (dumb). After a bumpy discussion, he admitted the last 3 hours were about his feelings for me. I know I shouldn't have, but I asked him what the point of that was. I said that it would probably feel to her like he's working on THEIR R by talking about it. He admitted he's in the middle lately, and I admitted that I am scared, and I tried to tell him that whichever R he puts the focus on will become more powerful.
He says he doesn't WANT to waffle, and then he asked me to go over and stay with him and we comforted each other all night. But I'm really messed up today. Trying to get a grip on it.
I don't want my fear to become self-fulfilling prophecy. I am so scare of this going down the road like before. He can't seem to get out of his own way. Neither can I.
This morning, I told him I think we have to expect this stuff, and carefully mentioned the counsellor idea(for him), and he is seriously thinking about it.
Any words of wisdom for DB amnesia victim here?
Kent's advice to Zebra was really good, I'm going to try to follow that, too.
