Acceptance is good, and the only way you can truly change. It took me a long time to understand that I had to accept my wife was experiencing a different reality than I was, and that she equally "right" in that reality. I still fight to understand where she's coming from, and I know there's a huge amount of "other" stuff - misplaced guilt and blame that makes it incredibly difficult to interact with her. At the beginning, it was convenient, safe and comfortable to believe that her reality was entirely fantasy and one day she would snap out and return to our reality - but this is not the case. My accepting of her reality was only really possible once I was able to accept that MY reality was equally flawed and based in fantasy. This was not easy to admit, because it stripped me of the sense of entitlement I had, thinking I was the one that was right and being betrayed - but it made me stronger in the sense that I could get closer to the truth within me. I accepted that things were not what I had accepted them to be for so long and I started to look at myself more honestly and critically. I was able to start the ball rolling and make changes that matter to me. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, or need to be for that matter. But, I'm on a track. I'm progressing.
What I'm trying to say is that right now YOU need to work on yourself so that you are confident that YOU can go out and face anything that you are scared of in the future. Your W loves you, and maybe at some point her feelings about being married to you will change. But you are capable of change and growth and self improvement. You have to be willing to start small and see it through.
At this point, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, regardless of whether you save your M or not. You need to accept that YOU are more important than your marriage - because unless you care for yourself, no marriage you are in can work.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
