Just nosing my way in here too! I must say that I'm right there with ya baby-with regards to ALTL's post of Oct 29....that could have been me writing.
It is not easy when there is separation. I never faced that for the reason of the A and OW, I faced it because of his deployment....but I sometimes wish there had been. I did not leave him for a number of reasons (2 that look so much like him it makes wonder if I'm really their mom!) but like ALTL says so very well: "I worry that if I really made a policy of backing off, my H might never step forward and we'd just be cut a drift from each other." I have often felt that my H would not 'fight for me', if I had said either 'get out' or 'I'm out of here' I fear he'd have said, well....nothing, and either left or let me go.
Had there been a separation as a result of the A, and upon our rebuilding/reconciliation-I might have been more sure that it was for the sake of the marriage and our desire to make it work again...for me (and I suspect ALTL) we never left or kicked them out, so we were here....in essence 'stuck' wondering what to do and fearing that if I (and perhaps ALTL) DID make the separation decision...H would have just drifted away.
I know, the grass is always greener....and believe me, I do not envy you per se, it's just the tinest bit of a desire to be able to have the same control (and self-will power-you're amazing) that you have at this point.
Keep it up and stay in control of you!
L
p.s. Hey ALTL-I also could have written what else you said..."both of us deny our needs, limits, and goals to the extent that our relationship is less genuine than it could be. I got to where I hardly had any goals of my own, I was accomodating his goals so much." Ever see Run Away Bride?
