well this weekend was not at ALL good, although sunday i might have found a breakthru with our sitch. i try and not talk about our r with my w, but she brings it up all the time, and stupid me once she does i can not stop from talking. i do realize that at this point i am alot farther along with forgiveness and change. she is just starting to do that, and i have a hard time remembering that. she has not forgave me for all my wrong doings in our marriage. i dont know neither does she if she will ever let go of the past. she told me she wants to but just cant, and dosent know if she ever will. why cant i just let her speak and not end up speaking too much. i can not get a handle on that. we had a big discussing and fight sunday, with me leaving for awhile. when i got home i didnt even go into the house i started working on the yard and she came outside to me and said she was sorry for the fight earlier. instead of just accepting her appoligy i starting talking and talking. i told her i needed to stop talking so much and she told me that even though she does not talk much she does listen and wants me to talk this out. but everytime i say something it sounds right to her at the moment and then she thinks about what i say and turns it totally around. how do you learn to stop this behaver and instead of talking, start listening? i wish i could figure this out. she wants my love, but she is so affaid of letting the past go, that even she thinks at this point, that will be our downfall. after our last talk on sunday the rest of the day was pretty good. we laughed and just had normal conversation. later that night i told her i was going for a walk and she asked to go along. while walking we had fun, with at one point she grabed my arm, held my hand, just had a good time. she still kisses me good by and tells me she loves me.
