shippd,
I have an AM feeling alot of the same things right now.Same thing about the weekends and weekdays kinda thing.Weekends are great,we just went out of town last weekend and had a GREAT time together,then we get back home and BAM..REALITY again.The only difference is that in my sitch IM the one feeling and doing the negative things.My W seems to want nothing more than to forget the past and move on,she seems very happy with me.
I know sometimes i ask myself if i can do this,and yes i have considered leaving,but i try to remember what shape i was in when i was not home with my W and family.I would have done anything to be here right now.I told my W that no matter what had happened we could have a better stronger M than ever.Now i am the one who seems to be trying to sabotage that.
I have come to the conclusion that YES this is much harder than i ever thought it would be.Its like my wife is soo happy(when im not bringin us down)So then i think to myself if we can be this happy right now and she loves me so much then how could she have ever hurt me like this.Sometimes i wonder about marriage and if i can ever really trust ANYONE again.I sometimes feel i think we have lost too much,i dont feel "special" to her anymore.
Anyway shippd your gonna have bad days,but i think if we LBS can go through 6 months of the worst hell imaginable,we can handle this and if you were to give 6 months of the man you are trying to be, and not be the husband she can live with,but being the husband she cant live without, then i think things will turn around for you.
Just wanted to let you know that the things you are feeling are perfectly normal..and i say this as much i am struggling taking my advice here and people like GH as well,but after what you have been through i think you would be mad at yourself later if you gave up now,when it really counts.
It is true!the hard work really does start now,and yes for a while it will probably feel like you are still doing all the work..but during my seperation, if i am the same man that professed his undying "unconditional" love for my W,then i have to be man enough to step up and continue to do the things i was doing for MYSELF as well as for my FAMILY,and i believe time will take care of alot of the issues I have created for myself.
Hang in there man
DeeJay
