you know as im here venting, she is emailing me telling me about tonight (going to her sisters rehershal dinner) and also making plans for tommorow night after her wedding. i should be happy but why am i not? i know she is trying, but my feelings are going crazy right now. i dont even know what set me off this morning. i guess its just that i do feel like we close but yet so far away that is driving me nuts. whats wrong with me??? im messed up today.
You're just going through some rough feelings. They WILL pass as all emotions often do. Just make sure YOU control your emotions, and they don't control you.
Please, let me tell you from the outside looking in, things SEEM REALLY GOOD for you right now but YOU are YOUR worst enemy. Don't self-sabotage all you've worked for to indulge these irrational, albeit completely normal emotions. You are just in "that" part of the process that usually brings about these feelings of anger and resentment. If you give in to those feelings however, you will do more damage than you know.
Get a handle on this and try to refocus on YOU and stop worrying about your W or your R. You have come this far, don't "f" it up now.
lol, you know gh i am really glad i had the courage to post here. you have become my wipping post and backbone for all this mess. she has emailed me five times this morning and im pissed. dont figure does it? why do i feel so much anger at this moment in time? she seems so happy and im so messed up. dont get me wrong im glad she is doing what she is, but my emothions are running all over me. i would never show her this side of my frustration but i do need to vent somewhere, family and friends think she is trying and are happy for us.
I don't really know the best way to go about this, but sometimes it's ok to let her know your PAIN, but not really your frustration. There is a REALLY fine line between honestly and openly expressing your feelings and putting pressure on her. For the most part, we LBS learn to keep it ALL in because we are notoriously terrible judges of "honesty" versus "pressure" so we figure it's best to not express at all.
This works for most of the process but eventually, you will get to a point where you will need to be able to communicate to her in a more open way, free from blame and other negative emotions towards W.
I think you are in a really bad place to "share" with her right now but maybe soon, opportunity will present itself where you can express to her how you feel.
The bottom line is that what you are feeling is still a reaction to what is going on at the moment, and as such, will pass sooner than later as the sitch changes around you, and YOU change within it.
Just process and then get past this stuff as fast as you can. It sucks to have to do that, but for now, it's probably best. Then please, for God's sake, understand that you were part of a bad marriage, one YOU played a hand in damaging. Accept that BOTH of you made mistakes and try to enjoy the process of making a NEW relationship, free from some of those errors.
GH
P.S. Thanks for making me an honorary body part. I have never been a "spine" before, lol. Seriously, glad I can help.
ok im starting to calm down. heres whats up right now. she wants me to go with her to a party sat. night that her new friends from work are having. part of me says great she wants me to be around her NEW FRIENDS, then part of me says what now? i know i can be fun around these new people, but inside i will be looking in the crowd trying to see it THE OTHER GUY IS THERE, wonding who is he is it that guy or that one, i will probably drive me nuts. i was talking to a female friend from work about my sitch. i told her she is like trying to decide to jump into a pool, puting her feet in and testing the water, she knows its really cold, but also if she just jumps in it would be fun and refreshing, and then would not want to come out. she told me yea but she needs to jump in on her own, that if i would push her in then she would be pissed at me for that, that she would either get right back out and cuss me out or she would stay in and think me later for pushing her in because now she is having so much fun. i know i should let her jump in on her own, but man i sure want to push her in and see what her reaction is.
Good analogy about the pool. Your friend has it right on. She needs to do this thing at her own pace and for her own reasons. The more she feels pressured, or "pushed" by you, the less she is going to trust any good feelings she gets from it.
I'm glad you are calming down. The next step is to PUT THE OM OUT OF YOUR MIND, especially at the party. Go, have a GREAT time, BE the man you want to be and be damned if he is there or not. F-him. He's not why you're there.
yea i know your right, if anything maybe he is there, but she asked me to come with her, not him!! thats a possitive right? i need to refocus on the possitives right now instead of the negitives, i know that, good thing a have alittle time left today for me to get my head right, before i see her. i know i can not push her, as you saw what she wrote me tuesday in email, she needs time to adjust to this, i just wish i could fast foward her to when she is ready to come home, hate sleeping in a king sized bed by myself.
hi all, had a pretty good weekend, friday night was a train wreck through. w was pretty distant and didnt talk much at all. saturday was much better. went to her sisters weding. w and i danced all night. the whole night she just keep stareing at me (who knows why). well after the wedding it was too late to go to her office party, so i took her home. she asked me to come in which i did. for the next 2 hrs we made love and it was great. sunday she wanted to hang out with her best friend, which was fine with me. sunday evening she just showed up and wanted to have supper with me and the kids. after supper the kids went outside, (we were now alone) w stated that last night all the dancing made her feet hurt. i massaged her feet and after that i thought (why not) i went for it. to my suprise she did not stop me, we ML again. after i was done she looked me right in my eyes and asked me (WHO ARE YOU), i laughed and said stick around and you will find out. the one thing that she keeps saying is what ifs (which she knows drives me nuts). i dont know maybe you can help, is she holding back from comming home because she is affraid all this we are starting to have is going to fade away if she comes home. i wonder that because she has said many times (WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD TO ME), i dont even know how to anwser that. well anyway that was my weekend, i will see how today goes after she returns to work, which usally makes her distant again. maybe not this time.
man gh, i know i need to continue to db, and keep doing what im doing, but i really would like for her to come home, (like all of us in here) i just hope she does it sooner than later. yes the last two days were great, but im affraid that might change after she goes to work. she told me yesturday that she wouldnt mind staying married and living seperatly. man i cant do that. i dont know how to tell her that. have any ideas? this is the hardest thing anyone should ever go thru. i havent spent the whole night with her in four months, maybe soon though.
