This is NO time to get greedy. We ALL want more. I have been doing this a lot longer, in a similar state of "limbo" and I am still here. It DOES suck but you HAVE to realize that this will take time, often at least one more minute, hour, day, week, than you think you can handle, but I am here to tell you that you CAN and WILL handle it.
Quote: how do i get over this dead space between us?
You don't "get over it", you accept it as the situation at hand and deal with it. It will NOT be forever. You will either grow closer again, or farther apart but this period of limbo is NOT permanent.
Quote: i told myself if she would just try i would wait for ever how long it takes for her to come home.
She IS trying but her trying and your idea of what she should look like if she was trying are two different things. Her ACTIONS, namely having anything to do with you in a "dating" context show she IS trying. You just want her to TELL you she's trying and DO more to SHOW you she is. Frankly, you just WANT more from her and are failing to recognize the significance of what she is already doing and how hard it probably is for her.
I don't really like this idea but my W has said to me on a couple occasions when I expressed similar impatience with her/the process "You know, a couple months ago I was already out the door, sure that our marriage was over. I was gone and now I am here, isn't that good enough for you right now? I need time to get back to "more" than that, plese understand that."
Your W KNOWS what you want, and I submit that there may be issues (I know I have intimacy issues to address) you may need to address to "spark" things, but for now, please accept the unspoken truth that she IS trying and likely needs more time.
Quote: last night i mowed her yard and took her out to her favorite resturant. had a good time.
GREAT. I wish my W would do more of this with me. You are lucky. It's the small, daily life things, that I believe make the most difference. Give it time. More of this, light hearted, "fun" stuff you do with her, the more trusting she may become that your R will not be consumed by R talks and fretting over the past.
Quote: she then called me later and wanted to walk. we took a long walk and had good conversation. but i still want more.
Too damn bad. She IS ENJOYING your company right now. That is HUGE! Please, don't rush this. She took a long time to leave, and she'll take more time to come back. Please recognize what is making her comfortable right now and don't push for more. You'll know when the time is right for that.
Quote: she is still stand offish, not much at all. i guess if she was a little loving i would feel better. is this the first steps to recovery and i just have to live with that? is this what everyone has to go thru?
As Scotty would say "She's giving you all she's got". She probably doesn't have any "loving", beyond the simple effort of being there with you, to give right now. Many WAS's claim to feel empty and unable to "give" when they return to the R with their LBS. They just need time to adjust to having gone where they did and now come back to a VERY uncertain place, fraught with peril in their mind, i.e. will he leave ME, will I not "feel the spark" again, will OM call, I am not worthy of him, he is not worthy of ME, etc, etc, etc.
The more "safe" you make her feel by not pushing and continuing your DB efforts, I think the better off you'll be.
And, yes, we ALL have to go through this. It's just the next step. It's called limbo for a reason and when I first got here (I'm still in limbo), I said it was the worst part yet because so much was SO close but yet still just out of reach. Before, you couldn't even see the "love" let alone feel it. Now you can remember what it's like and you even think you feel it sometimes when you're with her but in an instant, she takes it away.
I submit that she doesn't take anything away, YOU just fell victim to your own expectations.
As I have been told many times, have a beginners mind, i.e. don't pretend to KNOW anything, and have NO expectations.
Enjoy what she is willing to give and accept that you WILL have to wait for more.
