You're welcome, and thank you so much for the compliments. I am glad I can help.
No, I am not a counselor but I did play one in college for a little while. I studied psychology for a couple years before deciding that being a photographer was more my idea of a good career and haven't looked back since. As you may have seen on the other thread where I am somewhat debating with another poster on what the best course of action is for someone, I only post what I believe to work for ME and hope it works for someone else. I have read a lot, true, and I can communicate pretty well, but I am still just another person going through this stuff, just like you. I have just been doing it for a bit longer is all.
This is NOT false modesty and please don't make the mistake of thinking my advice in any way is a substitute for seeing a real C, live and in living color. My own C was instrumental in my process, even though I had GREAT people here posting to me daily.
Now, on to you...
Quote: i am reluctant on the news she told me today. i hope its real and she does what she says she is going to do. i will focus on me and let her focus on herself, hopefully that will make a differnce.
Good. You are right to suspect that this "opening up" may be tainted but in the end, as you state later, she DID open up to you somewhat and that is a VERY good thing because as much as it's hard for us to trust the WAS, the WAS has an equally hard time trusting US. She has different reasons for mis-trusting you, which you also post later, but they are just as powerful as yours are for not trusting her. So when she opens up to you, understand that no matter what she says, it's a good thing because she is trusting you to validate her and not make her feel bad for her FEELINGS. Her actions are another story.
Quote: she did open up to me last she told me that she didnt think she would be good enough for me anymore, i told her i have to make that decision not her.
Not bad. She will eventually need to forgiver herself as much as you need to forgive her. I would maybe make sure that you let her know that she IS good enough for you, that she just made some bad decisions and now there are just things, in addition to the pre-existing issues in your M, that you will need to work on. I don't suggest you actually SAY that much to her, but I don't really think YOU think she is not good enough for you so make sure she knows that next time you get the chance to talk..DO NOT INITIATE a conversation to tell her that though. Leave it for now, I think you did fine.
Quote: she also said she was afraid that if she came back i would change my mind and end it with her. i told her she has a right for that fear, that i understand why she fears that, but in my heart if we both put 100% effort into it that i would not change my mind.
This is pretty standard WAS stuff. I LOVE that you validated her fear and didn't argue with her. The only SLIGHT modification I may have made in what you said was to leave her "effort" out of it. You could have just said that you were not going to change your mind but you could not control what she did. That is REALLY splitting hairs and I think you did a REALLY good job handling that.
Quote: its soo hard, but im up to the chalenge.
My hope is that someday you will get to where I, and many others here have gotten, which is to that moment where you realize that as hard as this is, as uncertain as things will still be with your marriage, you wouldn't take all the pain and turmoil back because at that point, you'll realize that it is all for a reason, and that reason is to make YOUR life MUCH better than it was before, and with any luck at all, your MARRIAGE much better too.
