WOW!!! I want what you have. Our marriage is together but I can tell that in several important ways you are ahead of me individually. I'm starting to understand, though I thought I understood for years, how being strong in one's self is critical to a healthy marriage. Wish I could say that in a way that didn't sound like DUH...where have you been????...
I especially like what you said about not needing reassurance. That is something I want to learn. My H and I didn't split up after I found out about his affair and to tell the truth, I think both of us deny our needs, limits, and goals to the extent that our relationship is less genuine than it could be. I got to where I hardly had any goals of my own, I was accomodating his goals so much.
Sometimes I worry that if I really made a policy of backing off, my H might never step forward and we'd just be cut a drift from each other. On the other hand, if I don't back off, I'll be doing all the relationship work forever and probably never feel loved myself. What do you think experts?
