"I hate to say it, but if it is true, I would confront him on it and let him know how it hurt and if it is true, he needs to leave and find what he is searching for. The sooner the better."
He is right-you are WAY too far into this to be putting up with this disrespectful CRAPOLA.
Stop being so nice to him when he hurts you-let him know how it makes you feel. Tell him he talks the talk but cannot walk the walk.
Actions speak volumes louder than words.
Unfortunately-it really IS all about perception, isn't it. I hate that. There are many things I perceive from my H about how he feels, what he wants, how he views me...and because he is so dam silent all the time, how am I to know otherwise? I only perceive through the his tone of voice when he talks (about non-OR stuff), his attitude and body language. Otherwise I play the guessing game.
Being as non-confrontational as you can, IMHO, you should talk to him about how he makes you feel, that you feel he is not interested in you-no because of what he says...but because of how he acts and how he treats you. And I must apologize, I am still confused about your clarification here
"He told her that he didn't know what my meeting with a special person was about. If it were me and especially if I were him I'd ask about something so obviously important to my spouse." - do you mean that when you said you were meeting with a "special person" meaning her/them, and he didn't understand why, first of all it was so important to you and second why you were concerned/nervous?...and THEN he TOLD her this???-I can see where you'd be pissed...am I tracking?
Listen you, you are interesting...you are worth loving...and also, again, like Kent said...he really needs to grow up. (but I realize that you know this)
L
p.s. want me to tell him? hehe p.p.s. isn't is SO much easier when you're on the other side? (meaning how 'easy' I seem to be able to give the very same advice I should be taking.....hey, didn't I just say something about walking the walk vs. talking the talk??!!...hm)