Me2 – Sorry you’re in a funk. It just sucks. One of the counselors I saw taught me a good trick. She said when I feel resentful, and get stuck in the negative feelings, to “frame it”, meaning decide on a period of time I will give myself permission to really let myself feel the negative stuff, and then when the time is up, get out of it. This is easier said than done, I know. Can I ask you a question? While I was reading your post, I wondered… how would you feel different if you left?How would you resolve your hurt either way? I ask myself these often. I remind myself that it probably won’t be all rosy if H ever asks me to move back in… with the immediate crisis out of the way, the issues that got us here might resurface sometimes. I’m sure I wasn’t so happy all the time before either. It is changing how we look at it that will change the outcome, and that HAS to happen whether we get back together or not. Make any sense?
I have some killer bad feelings, still, too and I want to resolve them (with or without H’s help) ‘cause I don’t want to carry it around with me. I’d like to think “Lightness of being” is well worth the work. If I can get there first, H can choose to jump aboard or not. Why wouldn’t he? Why do any of us hang on to our negative feelings? Maybe because it feels safe? Justified? Who knows. We all do it. It’s in living there less and less that we make progress, I think.
ALTL- “… Its as though deep down somewhere he knows that he’s getting a break and he is so grateful”. "This weekend I managed grace and generosity, it felt very good to both of us. Hopefully I can remember how to do this more often.”
I think you already know the answer to whether or not you did the right thing. It’s in how you feel about it. Good, I hope
