I just wanted to re-say what you said so very well:
"I have learned that the hurt one is the part of me that is completely alone with my own conscience, the HP, whatever you want to call it. The only real comfort I can find is inside me. (This way of looking at things gives my H the "space" he needs and gives me the realization that I am responsible for my own happiness.) It doesn’t help to try to get my H to comfort me. At the level I feel hurt, he can’t do it--nobody can. My H can only handle extremely limited access to me. I have now come to believe that’s just how humans are, and I do better to remember that and act accordingly."
"Yeah Baby!!!" (to quote that international man of mystery-was on tv this past weekend....)
This may sound kind of nuts, but I have stopped asking H to comfort me-which he would-but I stopped outright asking because I could tell it was hurting him.
I think I am finally realizing that you can only "punish" someone for so long before you really just lose interest. The ultimate detachment I suppose-coupled with forgiveness. It's like something I have always known but had not been able to truly live.
This is not to say that I don't have 'bad thoughts' anymore...matter of fact, I know that while the A was on-going, he was with her this past week-he gave me some bogus story about having to go to Germany (from Mid-east where he was) for something, and...get this-this is great....he could not figure out the phone system and that's why he didn't call me for the whole time he was there! Isn't that RICH!!! Here's a man, in his 40's, trained, educated and at the TOP of his career field (he cannot get promoted again-there is no higher rank) and he could NOT FIGURE OUT THE PHONE SYSTEM??? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh puhleeeeeese. (isn't that funny?? In a sick-twisted sort of way....or perhaps it's just pathetic....)
When I have thoughts like this, and I still do pretty (ok, very) often, I do not share them...AND most importantly, they do not rule me. I am more or less objective about them. They still hurt-but not to the point of tears or even ruining my mood. I think it's slipped into the category of regret or remorse-type of sadness. They are just sort of random thoughts I have...hard to explain-but I bet you know what I mean.
Anyway-I am starting to ramble...just wanted to let you know that "I know what 'cha mean".
