These marriages were/are supposed to be 50/50. Unfortunately sometimes with WAS's and cheating SO's it seems that the left-behinds are up to more like 60-70%.
I like what you say, Andy, about there being a difference in the needs of our spouses, some are definitely ours to fulfill, others we share and others we leave very much alone.
I think what Kent was saying, and please correct me if I'm wrong Kent, that he does not feel responsible (anymore) for his W's need to define herself. In other words, he is no longer putting pressure on himself (and maybe her too) to be 'how' she defines herself.
Am I confusing? I don't think I'm getting at what I'm trying to say.....when I read what Kent said I realized 'yeah, I know what you mean'....for a long time I had defined myself in terms of my H...his soulmate-his best friend-lover, and took great comfort in my realization of myself-through him. I naively thought he did the same...I know now that he does not, and probably never did.
Unrealistic, I realize that now. Unfortunately it took his A to get me to see how unfair my perceptions were. That's a big part of why I was (and I'm trying really hard not to be) angry-but more so with myself, I think.
I need to define myself in terms of ME. It is frustrating tho because as I have mentioned before, I still sometimes feel very split in who I am...the strong independant one who has the world by the horns...and the other one who still bears the wounds inflicted by the betrayal.
