GH, as always, thanks for posting. You can probably apprentice for Ms. Davis at the rate you're going LOL.
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As for where you are right now, is the OM thing just a feeling? Does she say she's still talking to him? Does she know it hurts your R and thus needs to go away sooner rather than later... or at least SOMETIME? Do you feel like she's keeping him as a safety net?
W is still talking to the OM, but as she states it, just as a friend. I know, she knows, and you know, that for this M to work, that it has to stop completely. W is fully aware that it is hurting me and I had told her one time that it felt like some of the things she's doing, she's doing on purpose to hurt me.
W also told me that OM had told her that he cannot initiate the "stopping" of contact that she has to do it because it will hurt him. Oh please! I replied, I guess it will just be up to you.
Sometimes, I do feel she is stalling talking about the R so that we don't discuss the need to stop communication. It does bother me sometimes that she seems to not feel any remorse or guilt about what's going on. I know she does but she's really good at hiding it.
One of the biggest changes in our R since this A started is my driving. It wasn't part of my 180 or my DB'ing but it just kind of merged right in. We have talked a lot of times about her "freedom", she doesn't need to be at a certain place at a certain time to drive/pickup/dropoff my son or me. Since then, she's been playing tennis, joined tennis aerobics, played drop-in tennis, and kept herself busy with physical activities (she's trying to lose weight too). As I have posted before, she had invited me to watch her practice a couple of times, and of course I only if I chauffer her to the courts (teasingly).
ML’ing is a big factor in my sitch, which is probably why I’m more confused sometimes. I feel like I’m married but sharing my W’s affection with someone even though not physically, maybe, I don’t know. I’ve stopped the snooping thing a long time ago because it does make it harder to focus when you find out something you don’t want to know.
I’m afraid to tell my W what’s on my mind when she asks me. Am I afraid to upset the comfort I have now, afraid to make her mad at me for bringing up the need to stop communicating, afraid to vocalize that this is really hurting me, afraid that I will say something that I might regret, say something that will again push her away. Last Thursday, she asked why I’m so quiet, I told her that I’m just thinking of the same things I always think about, her, our family and our future. We were supposed to leave Friday morning for a weekend out of town so I carefully mentioned that maybe we shouldn’t be discussing that kind of talk right before we leave for a short vacation, she agreed that it probably wasn’t a good idea at that time.
There… that made me feel a little better, getting that out of my system. I still need to get myself to stand up and say I NEED TO SEE A SHRINK!
